


letters to akaashi

by myunghao



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Crack Fic, M/M, Multi, mentions of dick - Freeform, oikawa has a cheese stick for a dick, this is pure crack and i wrote this at 4 am im sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-30
Updated: 2018-06-30
Packaged: 2019-05-31 00:06:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 564
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15107603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/myunghao/pseuds/myunghao
Summary: Bokuto broadcasts not so live his antics with the national team as they go around the the world.





	letters to akaashi

**Author's Note:**

> I came here to apologize in advanced for wasting your time LMAO

May 22, 2016

Hey hey hey Akaashi! We just arrived in Last Vegan Nevader if I remember it correctly and it’s so hot! I shouldn’t have packed so many sweaters T_______T Anyhoot, the moment I stepped off the plane Nishinoya thought it was a good idea to rolling thunder the fuck down the stairs to the ground!!!! And I thought—hey why not do it too?! Right??? RIGHT???!!!!!!!!!!! So as I was about to do it Ushijima came from nowhere and parkoured his way down and it was so awesome so of course me being the best I couldn’t be possibly outdone by that huge farmer bitch baby so I backflipped my way down only to land on my back at the middle of the stairs and I kinda tumbled down after that and when I successfully belly flopped on the ground I saw Ushijima holding a cactus while he’s positioned in a split and Kuroo was laughing like a baboon as usual and here’s where things got funnier—a bee found its way inside Kuroo’s mouth and then!!! AND THEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Kuroo suddenly started reciting the whole bee movie script and Oikawa was laughing so hard and he was filming it but then Sakusa that motherfucker,,,, he laughs like a little bitch on sugar rush and he was flailing his arms out everywhere and he accidentally (I like to think that it wasn’t) punched Oikawa in the teeth and knocked Oikawa down and I was still lying on the the ground and Oikawa landed on top of me in a scorpion and then he stretched even more to a needle and his skinny jeans ripped apart and we all knew that Oikawa was a hentai furry fucker considering Iwaizumi claims that his ancestor was Godzilla like omg??????? AKAAJSJHI WHAT IF IM A DESCENDANT OF THE GREAT HORNED OWLS HOW COOL WOULD THAT BE???? Anyway Oikawa’s pants ripped and he wasn’t wearing any kind of underwear so his cheese stick dick (it was orange and it was small. I think maybe Hinata possessed his dick??? We would never know!!!) was just hanging limply like it was just dangling between his legs and he hasn’t realized anything and he was screaming how his landing was a perfect 10 and then and then walked off my back like it was nothing and proceeded inside!! And then we all made it inside and Kuroo was still reciting the bee movie script and Sakusa was seen inside the conveyor belt scanner and he emerged with a door?? I think he is a part of Monsters Ink. Oikawa’s dick was still hanging like a deceased and crippled cheeto. We got to that scanner? That you pass through that beeps after to know if you have something dangerous inside your clothes or not and when Oikawa passed through he grabbed his limp cheeto and I swear it elongated and he started spinning it like a rope. The next thing we knew we were transported to Egypt at the top of the pyramids and I became a golden statue and Kuroo and Oikawa became aliens and—oh My gdofjs AKAASHI GODZILLA HAS DESCDNDE I HAV T TO GO I LOV U GOODBEY

LOVE BOTUKO

 

-

 

A few minutes has passed and Bokuto’s phone beeped.

 

-

 

From: Akaashi Bae-ji ;-)

 

Bokuto-san, you’re in the room next to ours.

We’re in Miyagi.

Stop smoking those blunts already.

**Author's Note:**

> pls still lov me


End file.
